Sierra November India Papa Echo Romeo

Okay, so i finally make another post on this pretty much dead blog to which i'm rezzing now. I'm sure if Eric reads this he'll just throw his hands in the air and say "Well finally!"

Anyways, i went out for drinks with my buds at Jesselton Point just now, and the ambiance was what i was looking for the past few days, and it was a good night. The music was great - live band. Well, it was a guy with a saxophone, another with a synthesiser, and a chick to sing.

The music was great and the group was just as good. Now as all these guys are my buddies (even if i just met one of them yesterday and the other just less than an hour earlier) and we had a good talk bout the good ol' days and how we're holding up now.

Then i had to go back, and i was gonna give Danny a lift back home, on the way out, i just realised, i should have given that jazz player a hand shake because he more than deserves it. I would have, but i was already on my way out. Then i got to talkin with Danny bout this.

The realty we discovered is that Malaysian culture isn't really that sociable yet. They don't great people in the lift as they do in western countries (of course when lift i mean their apartment lift), they sometimes don't even sya hi to people they might know. Of course, they fear that they might get the wrong person, but still, even with 100% identification, they just hold back. And as in my case, they don't strike up conversations with people they never met, but who would probably be a good person to know.

A good antithesis of this attitude would have to be my buddy Hasan. He makes buddies with anyone worthy of his friendship, and usually, he's with good comapany. If you read this bro, props...

I realise this might be a romanticed view of the western culture, but there you go, and ideal that isn't hard to make realty.

Ya'll have a good un'.

Ok, so i've been browsing the web these few days and i've found nothing interesting at all, until, of course, i stumbled across a really wicked website. Now i don't think many of our lecturers would aprove, but i'm really sure they'd get one helluva kick out of it...

The one i just finished reading was so good, i decided to publically recomend it on my blog. Heres the link,
http://www.cracked.com/article_15699_9-most-badass-bible-verses.html

Have fun and read all three pages, then browse around for more laughs...

And heres another one that i thought was for Brian at first, but was eventually kinda deep, so its for all,
http://www.cracked.com/article_14990_what-monkeysphere.html

This one is a recomended read for all, its actually an eye opener...

1.Do you ever bite your lip?
` when i'm nervy

2. Do you have pictures on your walls?
` nit at the moment

3. Have you ever seen anyone picking
their nose?
` yes, unfortunately, starts with e and ends with a fart

4. Do you like country music?
` occasionally

5. How do you peel your orange?
` with my fingers

6. Do you like bananas?
` not the over ripe ones

7. Could things be better in your life
at the moment?
` nat'cherellih

8. Have you ever tried to put a huge
puzzle together?
` yeah, it became paper mache

9. Have you ever been drunk?
` not really

10. Did you ever try to cut yourself?
` nawh, i aint no wrist cutting emo

11. Do you like clowns?
` hewl no

12. Have you seen the movie Jaws?
` yeah, one friggin smart shark

13. How do you feel about show offs?
`how do you feel about my boot finding a place in your rear?

14. Do you go to the library?
` all the time

15. Are you excited for back to school?
` it snot called school, its a higher institute for professional education

16 . Whats your favorite type of energy
drink?
` Budweiser..what? energy? oh... ic, okay, 100 plus...

17. What do you put on your hamburger?
` the works, onions, pickels, mustard, five pounds of meat, vegetables, more mustard, mayo, butter, bread?

18. Do you wish you were older?
` not anymore than i already am

1 9. Do you wish you had magical
powers?
` let's be realistic now...

20. If so, what powers?
` the ability to have common sense

21 . Do you eat teddy grahams?
` do you eat dirty gym socks and moldy, fungal jockstraps?

22. Does anyone hate you?
` ch'eah! a whole lot...sadly though

23. What is your favorite color?
` black, nat'churuhli

24. Have you ever believed in fairies?
` right...

25. Has a butterfly ever landed on
your finger ?
` not that i can remember

26. Do you have your nose pierced?
` well, lets see, i didn't get my nostrills sealed up, so, i don't think i need anymore holes in my face...

27. Do you know how to multiply?
` what? you don't?

28. Do you know how to divide?
` stoopid kuestchen... like ashkin if u know hou too spel

29 . What was the first school
you attended?
` the earliest one i can remember is brackenedge

30 . What is your favorite number?
` 13,7,407,2678

31. Would you rather have braces or
glasses?
` i have glasses, whats wrong with em'?

32. What did you have for lunch?
` chili pasta

Who is/are your best friend(s?)
` a few non-descript ones

34. Have you ever seen Coronation
street ?
` naw

35. Are you missing anyone right now?
` uh-huh...people back home

36. Who?
` to tag?
- Tau Wee (stewie)
- Anyone else stew...i mean eric tags

This is the overall picture

Okay thing is, you have to read German to understand this. And it isn't so much whats on the paper either. Its what caused us to draw/write it and how it was presented. It was Eight months since i laughed as hard as i did today, and i'm glad i did, cause ot meant i still had a bit of sanity left in me.

I finally realize that being a kid is not about hwether you played with toys when you were young, or whether you watched them kiddy shows. Being a kid is about being free from all the hassles in life, not needing to worry about whether you're mature, becuase your not, you can do anything you like, and that is usually fun.

Those days are gone for me, although i hope to eventually be able to laugh and party hard with my close friends.

Okay, so its been ages since i've updated this thing. Well, with the amount of work piling up, i can hardly help it.

For starters, its already been a week since i started work at Italiannies and although whatever i learn n the job makes practicle in KDU a whole lot easier, its still taxing on my stress meter. Next up i have assignments where i'm expected to lug the anvil up the hill, and i have two or three such assignments. Then, recently finsihed, i had the writeup thing to do for a certain unamable association. Although it was a short thing, it drained me quite a bit. Then i just found out, my work load at my job might just increase. I hope i'm up for the challenge.

Well, these two days (tuesday and wednesday) are both break days for me...thats right, I need break days on my holidays...whacked up... ah well...flip it...cya'll

My breathing quickens, my blood rushes, sending more oxygen to my brain, then my mind and thoughts flash in a flurry of possibilities and scenarios - too many and too fast to make sure i make the right choice. I start to feel the heat on the surface of my cheeks. What is supposedly cold and dry is now searing with beads of sweat forming on my face. My chest tightens. My muscles tense up. My throat dries up and constricts. My vision is not clear, its darting from whatever possible weapon there is. Its all a blur, all out of focus.

I've made my choice, i've chosen my words, i've chosen my reaction, i've chosen rage. I'm just one step away from violence, a position i've always been close to. I've been successful in controling, but this time, he's crossed the line, his sheer idiocy is the cause for this rage. I'm not even sure if it is idiocy. Maybe its to spite me.

He reacts to my threat. I've given him three seconds, and he still doesn't move. Now i'm on my way to using brute force. I know i shouldn't, but my chest feels tight with rage and what i think goes out the window, and so should he. He backs away just before i make my threats a reality. The only wise move so far.

My fists are balled so hard i could feel every joints presure. I try to loosen up my grip, but it just gets tighter. Every violent scenario is played with careful detail in my mind, now that i have the time. I start to wonder why i put up with this. Wonder why i havent shattered his kneecaps already. Wonder why i'm not dangling him by a rope from the top floor. Wonder why i'm not tying him to a chair and slowly carving his skin off. Wondering why i'm not sliting his abdomen and puling his guts all over him, giving him about a half hour with his guts squirming on his chest before he dies.

Then i wright this, and all the while, in the back of my mind, always questioning if i am going to post this. Still feeling like punching him in the face, hopefully breaking his nose. he deserves it. but i know i don't deserve bear the consequences. I deserve to punch him though. I'm a fraction calmer than i was twenty minutes ago, this is still going to shuttle my BUA... ARGH!

I've tried anger management, all that breathing deep, counting to ten, closing my eyes and visualising something nice. Truth be told, they all don't work. Writing only pauses it. Whats best is punching the wall till your knuckles start to tear a bit. thats just enough for mild rage. You should then know what severe rage needs...

Okay, so lately its been rather evident that I've been needing a job - both for money adn something productive to do during weekends. So i went job hunting for restaurants or anything related to the H&T course i'm doing. Now, the thing is, due to the fact that i went for the 789 job with An Ying, we've been working at/looking for the same place to work. Only difference is, she's working for exposure, i want money ...heheh $_$

So the first place we went to was a restaurant called "Good Evening Bankok" and they were mre than willing to hire us. Thing was, we werent really set on commiting, in hopes of getting a place with better pay. Okay, okay, I was hoping for better pay. Anyways, after that we went to Oneworld hotel to see if we could get a banqueting job, they said they'd call us the moment they had a function. Well, its been a month and i have yet to hear from them. So that concluded our first hunt for a job. The three of us (Me, An Ying, and David) were still jobless.

Round two. This time it was me, An Ying, and Ting Ling. We went to One utama agian and just started asking. We went to Soho and Italiennies for interviews, and they both gave us the same answer - we'll call you back. Well, we didn't expect to hear from them again. Onedays later, Soho calls An Ying up and tells us to show up on the nxt day (Sunday) for the job. well...yay? Okay, first day was as normal, clear tables and set them up. Unfortunately, i can't speak Cantonese...and thats the meduim here... T.T now i know how An Ying feels in an English speaking environtment.

Okay, i was miserable. i hated that place, the people were friendly, smiles and all, chatting with us during breaks, encouraging us. Thing was, i was out of my element. Its like telling Brian to become a Pro-wrestler. anyways, i had a feeling of dread the whole week, just thinking aout the place made my fuse shorter.

Anyway, on Thursday, just as i chucked my bag in the corner of my room, i got a call from An Ying. Italiannies wants us to come in on Friday to work. I thought she was crazy, we cant work for two joints. I guess it wasn't enough that they made me Chef of the day for the following week and that i had a job at a place i disliked on weekends...now she wants me to work for two joints and sacrifice my Fridays as well. Well, okay, she made a pont when she said we'd just try it out and pick the better of the two and just quit the one. Well, i liked Italiannies better. Ah!!! English! never missed it so much before.

Why i picked Italiannies over Soho? well, the pay is the same, the location is also pretty much the same, and they're both casual dining joints. But, apart from the language issue, Italiannies trained us better, and thus we may rise trough the ranks (hopefully) faster as well. Most of the people here are friendly, the managers (those whom i've met) are just as nice. Just don't piss em' off...(someone got fired today)

Well, i might just extend my work hours, and i'm already working on Fridays... there you go...thats what loving money does to you, i'm not so much a workoholic as i am a blowasmuchcashonfrivialitiesanduselessthingsasyoucan-A-holic..roflmao...go ahead, take teh ten minutes you need to see what that actually says...

p.s. okay, i understand that i have virtaully NO pictures on this sight, but the thing is, hwile i'm working or having fun, its a bit hard to take a pic, either that or its because i have no camera... so... es tut mir aber leid!...

CHEERS!!!

Ok, how long was it since i had a post? No matter, I haven't had the time lately, plus, i was always too tired and bummed to write one when i had the time. But now, i'm sitting at the table, with my laptop hooked to the net, and i have a cup of tea right next to me, so i'm good to go. So, you must be thinking "no time? pffft! lame excuse! tired? LAMER!!" well, the following events would explain it.

On August 30th, that's almost a week ago, we had the food fest. I was psyched to enter a new post into my blog, but as it would normally be, i was dead tired. Came home, played some games, went out to dinner, and got a bit pissed off. no matter, it was a holiday the next day and i could sleep in.

Anyways, back to the food fest. We did Mis En Place on Wednesday, that would be the 29th. We went in at 12.30 and we were the first, so we layed claims to our utensiles, equipment, and work space. I booked a pretty big place, about 1/6 of the whole kitchen. Our supervising lecturer was Mr. Gerhard, a German chef lecturer. He has a unique humor, we found it amusing, a bit eccentric, but ammusing.

He had us prepare our things, cut this, gut that, skin that, fetch that, peel this, dice that, mince these, chop this, store this, squeeze this, go fry yourself...etc... So, we pretty much had our stuff ready, they just needed some packing and cooking. One by one, my team left, nothing to do right? We were told to help the other things, and so the remainding members helped out, and when we were done, well...we left...big snafu... We also found out that the spelling on the flyer for the shepherds pie was all wrong (we spelt shephard)...fubar!

Next day we came to the kitchen, first thing he does is grill me for letting my guys leave early. Well, i apologised, he was right anyway. So we started packing and cooking. Well, actually, Mr Gerhard did most of the work, we were too clueless to leave alone *sheepish grins*. We were making 100 pax of shepherds pie (this would sound familar to all interacters working during IU day in KK) and 250 pax of hot dogs with two settings. once the first batch of food was ready, they were brought down. The shepherds pie sold like hot ...pie...? The hot dogs? not so hot...

I was kinda chuffed about the pie. Every batch that went down, didn't last more than a few seconds. Ivo said that they never made it to our counter (we had to walk trough the crowd of customers). At the end of the day, we had to make an extra 70 pies which we sold at 4 a piece (that would make 170 X 4 = 680) and we sold about an estimate of 150 hotdogs at 3, 70 at 2.5 and another 30 at 1 (this would make 450 + 175 +30) the cost production was about 0.945 cents a piece for the hotdogs, so no matter what, we still profitted. *big smiles*

So, at the end of the day, after we finished cleaning up, after we tabulated everything, after buying food that was so cheap (due to the fact that they still had food to sell and sales time was over) i went home. Okay, i know there should be some pictures, but they're with Ali and this post was long due. I'll post them pictures on next time ok? i'm just gonna watch another movie now...bonjournee!

I used to think that form 4 was the best year ever. It was a good year, i had a lot of fun, too much in fact, but what made it great was the people. Just the four of us (Daniel, Bev, Flo, and I) was reason enough to get up at 5.30 in the morning and rocket my rear to school. Granted, we didn't even bother studying, heck, we didn't really have any work to do, so it was all fun and games. We'd always go to the caffetaria in one group, we'd always do things together. I do miss those days. And sadly, i took it for granted. Only now (or actually since five months back) do i realize how good i had it back then, the laidbackness, the friendships, the jokes, the laughs, all the good times. It's like we went to school to meet up with buddies, chill out, relax. All this, of course, opposing to the intention of the school which is to study and shove inch thick books into our noggins.
But last semester, i met a whole group of new people and new characters. I can't say it was laidback though. The library discussion room was basically my second home. Whenever someone was looking for m, all they had to do was go to the library and i'd probably be there. Its not that i'm a bookworm, or that i enjoy reading two inch thick hardcover books, its just that the library is the quietest, most calming place in the whole college, as opposed to the next best hangout place - the caffetaria. Plus, it has air conditioning. During that sem, I was always with my friends, they were always nearby and with a deck of playing cards.
Today, i almost never see them. Haven't hung out with them in ages. It's kinda saddening, sehr Traurig! But you gotta do what you gotta do right? lets hope it gets better this semester. Either that or hope next sem will be a whole lot nicer.

Well, i've been doing my practicles for the past month, and altough it may be tiring, at least i'm learning something. Actually i'm learning a lot, especially in the kitchen. Its really sad that i can't eat what i've cooked. You really don't know what it tastes like until after service is over with. Even then, if there in't any left then, well, Schade!
I find working almost translike. You just start doing work, step after step, contingency after contingency, sometimes it feels almost clockwork, even if it's not exactly going as planned. But at the end of the day, when you're done, you think to yourself, "wow! i did all that!". It might not even be a lot of work or a perfect job, but there you go, its been done. I feel, to a point, at ease when i work, it just causes one to forget about all other woes and troubles whilst doing the work at hand. Also, at the end of the day, i have a sense of gratification, knowing i gave my job my all.
Still, i find it all a bit of a hassle. The responsibilities is the cloud to the silver lining. Its heavy, its a burden and its very real. The result of not fulfilling it - dissapointment, and that is something i can't live with. Thank god the RM's alternate every week.
Something Ali said just now struck me as what was giving me the slight case of the blues. Now that the class is split up into three groups, where we work in three different areas, we hardly ever meet up and do what we used to do last semester. Lunch is usually non-existant. And if it is, it's either in small groups or just two people.
Nothing is what it used to be, hopefully it will get better. If this is a forecast of what work is going to be like for me, then i say its going to be a very sad life. hell, that is IF we have a life.

Und bis bald - Nim

This sem is all about practicle work and how well we survive in it, and where survival is concerned, the fittest survive. It's a competitive world out there and we all try to do our best, some mere hope to do exceptioally well, some work toward it, and some are so sure of themselves that it is a given that they hit what they aim for. I'm like that, i take for granted that i will provide perfection, but not today, today it all changed.

Its Thursday and its my first practical for service, and i am restaurant manager or RM. I know i have to set a benchmark and that i have to give it my all. I am expected to give nothing short of my 110%. On Wednesday itself i ran my staff trough the procedures, i didn't wnat them to go into the field unprepared and panicking, their performance would, indirectly, affect my image as their leader, and i can't have that on my benchmark. Anyways, i didn't realize i overlooked a few things. I'm going to make sure that this never happens ever again.

Okay, so since its my first time being an RM and its the first practical and it IS a benchmark, i thought i'd invite some people whom i'd be honored to serve. I invited mr. Allen (whom still owes me a visit to the restaurant) and Dr. Tan, a friend of my mothers. This proved to be a bite too big for me. She did come, and so did her guests. Four guests from Mancheter Uni, some lecturersfrom business (i think), and student council (i think).

They came in small groups (there were 10 of them) and we were thought to serve them all at once, on the other hand i am expected to serve them instantaneousely, so here i have a conflict of protocol. This is, of course, not the only conflicts i had. A request that affects the whole group is made by the guest, but the thing is, we are instructed to move at the host's order, again another conflict. I wasn't expecting such complications to arise, but, it was sorted out eventually. The VIP's were happy, we fulfilled our required amount of sales, and my duties as an RM are over, for now.

So okay, we (emphasis on we) did a good job. I'm glad that whatever i ran them trough the previouse day stuck with them. Mistakes were made, but so what? we learn, and it was our first day on the job. I made mistakes myself, quite a few actually, and i couldn't have done it without my team.

Now that i reflect on it a bit (again) Brian (or was it Eric) told me that we'd do fine as RM, since we've worked before and we know what we're supposed to do. Well, actually, it doesn't matter if i'ved worked before or not, this thing we're doing is not the same. In work, we have already procedures put into place by our predecessors. But in this line, i AM the predecessor for the next RM (Nanthaya). I don't have guidelines to follow or refer to, all i have is my lecturer( thank god he is all a noob RM needs) and my gut instincts. I remember how it was like working as the staff, all i did was either make or take the drinks and serve them to the guests. It was simple back then, no steps to follow. Today, in addition to having the stress of serving VIP's, we have a bunch of notes and procedures we have to strictly follow stuffed into our noggins. This fresh knowledge and the need to acess that information at the snap of a finger could be very stressful. But no doubt, we managed. And quite well i might add.

Well, at least thats one responsibility over with, i should prabably get back to my marketing assignment. Redundant little rat!

Und Bis Bald! - Nim

Okay, so we all know that joke right? Why is 6 afraid of 7? because 7 ate 9...hahahahahaha!!! Right, so it just so happens that the club where the function i worked at for the past two days also goes by the name of 7 Ate nine. This reminds me of how wierd names and bars, pubs and clubs come together. Remember a certain joint i used to work at? Yeah, it's called Up2U cafe.


Thats besides the point. It was just something i was thinking about... I look back on those two nights (i love reflecting) and i start to think.

Right, so this is how it started. It was Tuesday and i had kitchen practicle all the way till 3pm. Whilst having our timeout from playing cookie, a friend managed to get me and another friend (An Ying/ Ingrid/ Anne/ Ah Ying) to go for a part time job. Well, i was asking for it a few months back, but this was sudden. I'd only have one and a half hours to get to the station after class ended (IF it ended on time, which it never does). Oh, almost forgot to mention, i've been sick for nearly a week when i got the job...

The club was at the Ascott hotel, right next to Mandarin Oriental and KLCC. Yeah, kinda far from where i live/study/would like to go... Anyways, we got there just in time and we reported in with the restaurant manager or RM. he was a nice guy and he showed us around... The club is owned by Irishmen (i think)...

So okay, i'm gonna fastforward to the "fun" part. The whole function was because of the clubs first year anniversary, and this meant that starting 8pm there'd be free flow booze all the way until 10pm...YAY!!?? not for us...

The place was packed by 8.30... not packed as in every table had customers...not packed as in every chair was taken up...but packed as in we couldn't so much walk trough the crowd... We had to either squeeze, pass along, climb on to podiums and down again, or just crawl trough the damn thing...

Of course it wasn't all bad. The customers were friendly (at least most of them), they were mainly white-eyes, indians and chinese. When you think about it though, why wouldn't they be friendly? you're giving them free booze. We momentarilly ran out of white wine (and later red) halfway trough the function. There was a cigar roller from Cuba, and where there is a roler, there are smokers. Every breath you took was like puffing on one, and this didn't help my sickness one bit.

By ten me and An Ying were dead tired...water never tasted so good, and sitting down felt like a luxury... Now this is where i made a decision that was glad i did. The function was for three days in a row and i just worked for the first one. It was so tiring i figured i'd jsut tell the RM that i couldn't come the next day, but then i though about my schedule and i found that i'd be free from 12 in the afternoon and i'd have all the time int he world to get to KLCC, so i told him ok, i'd come the next day. I might say for a first time, i did quite well...An Ying did great too, to which i must confess i did underestimate her a bit...

The next day was a little more relaxed, the journey there in any case. This time round when i got there, since i knew some of the staff already, i got some greetings, which felt nice. In a way it kinda reminded me of how working was like back home in KK...

The drill was the same, except for the minor change in drinks. Instead of the red and white wine, tiger, heineken and Rose Sangria we were serving yesterday, we had Johnnie Walker to replace the Sangria. This makes life easier. Shorter glasses means lower chances of spillage/droppage/breakage.

Okay, so there were a few interesting things that happened on the second night. A man sitting in the corner of the club waved me over. At first he asked me for some beer, and i asked back how many? he replied "as much as your tray can hold. I was a bit fazed by the request, so he asked for a few, i replied by asking if four would do and he said yes. So about twenty seconds later (after jumping over, crawling under and squeezing through customers) i set all four bottles on the table from my tray. I start to walk away and he motions for me to come back, and when i do, he stuffs ten bucks into my pocket. I looked at my watch and i relaized what he was doing. It was about another ten minutes before "free flow" time was over. i smiled to myself.

The most gratifying part about the job is making a customer happier than they would expect. And of course recieving compliments (or a ten buck tip) for your hard work (cause i really worked like crazy)... one would imagine the amount of hot gurls at the funtion...but one would also ahve to imagine how busy it was that i couldn't pay much attention to the flocking chicks. T.T /Cry....

Allright, at the end of the night i thought i'd get 7bucks per hour. We worked five hours a day, so times two its a total of ten hours. You'd think the RM would gimme 70 bucks huh? I made some calculations and i factored in transportation costs. If i got seventy bucks, i'd earn about 40 or 50 and so i figured, what the hell, at least i get to put this down as experience right. Yeah well... The RM pulls out a stack of fiftys and just slips us each two notes...30 more than what he promised, and well, An Ying was really happy...so was i...after cutting away the transpo costs, nett profit for me was 70 bucks, toss in that ten buck tip and i get 80...it was really great that i managed to do this...for the experiene and the cash...! HOOAH!! Next time something like this comes up, i'm jumping at it!...

Ok, so its time for another reflection of yours truely. It must have been ages since i oficially did this, and this would be the first one on this blog.

It's been pretty much 5 months since i moved to KL(technically Selangor) and started this hospitality course. Hell, this is the second sem already, this first one was pretty short, about three and a half months. We pretty much finished in three months what other students finish in six. I aint gonna say who's better, so you do the math huh?

I still remembered being pretty lucky to enter the DIP-1 class. A good mix of foreigners, most of which are my close friends now, a good place to stay where the tenenters were not the care-less types, a roomate with whom i didn't like at first, but managed to work things out eventually, and now, moving into my brand new apartment, and of course utilizing the bus to its full potential (going to college, ivo's place, one utama, KL central, etc...

Of course between the time i started the course and the present, a lot of things happened. Things that change me, things that make me think from a very different angle, things that might be good, or maybe even bad. I went trough group assignments as a group leader, and it was frustrating work. Dealing with the language barrier, and dealing with the incompetencies of those who didn't have language problems. Even with the simplest of tasks, they fail(the incompetent ones i mean) and of course, this causes severe frustration and stress. Another thing that changed about me was my temper. I have now what i never had as much of a problem, something that i used to pride myself in was that i would be able to keep my cool in high tension situations. But now, I go nuclear ever now and then. This is not good. As most would say, i have anger management problems. I try to controll myself, but the sheer idiocy of those who provoke me and push me over the edge cause me to form a mushroom cloud. And they never learn... most would know to which two i'm refering to.

Of course there was another cluster of problems and issues that i had not much control over. This problem is classified at the moment and require Tier-4 clearence. This problem brough out the worst in me. I saw a monster everytime i looked into the mirror(and also now, everytime i see Ed or Brian). It took someone to tell me about this evil for me to realize it. I then noticed what this problem could do to people, and how much it could ruin someone. Of course, now that i've realized and rationalized this problem, i've come out a bit wiser than i was previousely. I wish i never have to face the same evil again. Just a short description of this evil. It causes severe depression, overthinking, irrational behaviour, mood swings, uncharted temper,and of course, a high possibility of loosing those most important to you.

And now, here i am, writing this blog, right after i just passed even more classified information to a friend who has Tier-7 clearence (which is basically what this info rquires). I hope this doesnt turn out to be another "brining the worst out of you" experiences. It's truely aweful to see the worst in a person when you've known them as another better person for years. Overall, i've seen that this journey(altough just moving from phase one to phase two) has caused me to replace carefreeness with perfectionism and conformism, replace immature with (with no intention of self praise) slightly mature ( i have a long way to go), replace stupid jokes and brainless conersations with seriousness and meaningful conversations, replace being overloud and overt with maybe a bit of silence and well, i'm still overt, to big to miss (at least thats what Hasan and Ivo tell me). I'm glad for these changes, i rather have meaning in what i do, say, and think, rather than something pointless.

Well, okay, a reflection always has to end, at least until the next time a reflection is required.

Okay, so its like this, I've just moved into Pelangi Utama, its a condo about 30 mins walk from One Utama new wing. Our unit is on the 5th floor, pool facing, with an unhidered view. My room is the one with the BEST pool view and, as Eric would call it, a very nice emo corner.
As most of you would know, i'm starting this blog up bcoz friendster blog is dead boring...zzz... und es ist schade...Auf Wiedersehen...