Sierra November India Papa Echo Romeo

Ok, so its time for another reflection of yours truely. It must have been ages since i oficially did this, and this would be the first one on this blog.

It's been pretty much 5 months since i moved to KL(technically Selangor) and started this hospitality course. Hell, this is the second sem already, this first one was pretty short, about three and a half months. We pretty much finished in three months what other students finish in six. I aint gonna say who's better, so you do the math huh?

I still remembered being pretty lucky to enter the DIP-1 class. A good mix of foreigners, most of which are my close friends now, a good place to stay where the tenenters were not the care-less types, a roomate with whom i didn't like at first, but managed to work things out eventually, and now, moving into my brand new apartment, and of course utilizing the bus to its full potential (going to college, ivo's place, one utama, KL central, etc...

Of course between the time i started the course and the present, a lot of things happened. Things that change me, things that make me think from a very different angle, things that might be good, or maybe even bad. I went trough group assignments as a group leader, and it was frustrating work. Dealing with the language barrier, and dealing with the incompetencies of those who didn't have language problems. Even with the simplest of tasks, they fail(the incompetent ones i mean) and of course, this causes severe frustration and stress. Another thing that changed about me was my temper. I have now what i never had as much of a problem, something that i used to pride myself in was that i would be able to keep my cool in high tension situations. But now, I go nuclear ever now and then. This is not good. As most would say, i have anger management problems. I try to controll myself, but the sheer idiocy of those who provoke me and push me over the edge cause me to form a mushroom cloud. And they never learn... most would know to which two i'm refering to.

Of course there was another cluster of problems and issues that i had not much control over. This problem is classified at the moment and require Tier-4 clearence. This problem brough out the worst in me. I saw a monster everytime i looked into the mirror(and also now, everytime i see Ed or Brian). It took someone to tell me about this evil for me to realize it. I then noticed what this problem could do to people, and how much it could ruin someone. Of course, now that i've realized and rationalized this problem, i've come out a bit wiser than i was previousely. I wish i never have to face the same evil again. Just a short description of this evil. It causes severe depression, overthinking, irrational behaviour, mood swings, uncharted temper,and of course, a high possibility of loosing those most important to you.

And now, here i am, writing this blog, right after i just passed even more classified information to a friend who has Tier-7 clearence (which is basically what this info rquires). I hope this doesnt turn out to be another "brining the worst out of you" experiences. It's truely aweful to see the worst in a person when you've known them as another better person for years. Overall, i've seen that this journey(altough just moving from phase one to phase two) has caused me to replace carefreeness with perfectionism and conformism, replace immature with (with no intention of self praise) slightly mature ( i have a long way to go), replace stupid jokes and brainless conersations with seriousness and meaningful conversations, replace being overloud and overt with maybe a bit of silence and well, i'm still overt, to big to miss (at least thats what Hasan and Ivo tell me). I'm glad for these changes, i rather have meaning in what i do, say, and think, rather than something pointless.

Well, okay, a reflection always has to end, at least until the next time a reflection is required.